The Fear Factor.
Uncertainty, negativity, anxiety and fear. What a toxic and condemning combination. Fear can be debilitating to say the least, couple it with negative thoughts and you’ve served yourself a recipe for calamity.
Did you know that 85%of the things we fear never happen? “Five hundred years ago, Michel de Montaigne said: My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened. Now there’s a study that proves it. This study looked into how many of our imagined calamities never materialize. In this study, subjects were asked to write down their worries over an extended period of time and then identify which of their imagined misfortunes did not actually happen”.
This leaves us with 15% of people that did experience negative encounters. Statistics show that some 79 % of subjects discovered either they could handle the difficulty better than expected, or the difficulty taught them a lesson worth learning. This means that 97 % of what you worry over is not much more than a fearful mind punishing you with exaggerations and misperceptions. “A fearful mind will open the door for a negative soul”. – M. Caporale
Montaigne’s quote has made many people chuckle for centuries. Worrying, being negative and living in fear is no joke. A worried mind is constant on the brain, and chronic fear and stress will generate nothing but those stress hormones. Ever hear the expression; “Stress is a killer”? There is good reason for that. Worrying, being fearful and negative drops all this into your system. It shrinks brain mass, makes you prone to heart disease, depression, aging prematurely and naturally a slew of problems with family and friends. Really? Yes, really!
Life is customized for us to experience EVERYTHING. Although fear and negativity are part of having a human experience, it is not designed to be integrated with our lives every day. There comes a point where you have to stop, think and re- evaluate your situation. Is it you? Is it your job, family or certain people you deal with that cause this fear? Do they serve nothing but negativity for an appetizer? Is your main course fear with a side of anxiety?
I have been a professional intuitive for over sixteen years and now a certified life coach. In my years of reading sessions I have been a witness to many a client living their life in fear, struggling with negative behavior and or people. Delivering information that these situations or individuals will not change is taxing. However, spirit gives options. I myself have also encountered such issues.
I wouldn’t be human if I said otherwise. I have seen people spin themselves out of control over situations that couldn’t ever be controlled. In fact, the only control we ever have is control over ourselves, how to handle something or someone. It’s nice to think we can control another person’s actions or a situation, even an outcome. We can’t. We can only control our own actions, handle our own situations and be positive for the best possible outcome. We all struggle. We all have big and small issues to cope with. Our lives are never perfect. We are always challenged to evolve, love and learn.
Life is precious and goes by very quickly. Why waste so much time on being afraid and living with negative thoughts? When you step back, look back on years past you will only then see that you have festered over nothing or you handled what was thrown at you. I realize it is so much easier said than done but it can be something you can change. After all aren’t we all a work in progress? I certainly am.
How do we switch our thoughts?
Thoughts are powerful. What we think, we are or will become. I am a true believer in this.
Practice makes perfect so you must practice every day without reserve. No excuses, no changing things! Think of this new way of thinking just as you would study for an exam.
We change our thoughts one moment at a time. When thinking a negative thought or fearful thought, switch it out immediately. I.e.; “I’m afraid I won’t do a good job, I don’t feel very confident with my performance these last few weeks”. I.e.; “What a challenge I have with my job, I am so grateful because I can handle the work. Besides, I am worthy of all the fantastic opportunities that are coming my way”. Simple example.
Let’s face it, negative people are everywhere. A client just recently had me laughing when he said; “The negativity in that place is like gum that I just stepped in that I can’t get off my shoe. You know, the kind you find under the desk at school? So I put on a new pair of shoes to get it off and BAM, I step in the gum again”.
Our family, friends, work place, any one or place can create negativity. You need to gage when to listen so you can be of help or when to step back. If it is affecting you, draining you and causing stress it is time to step away. I understand there are complicated situations that we encounter. Family can be difficult and friendships often pull on our heart strings. If you are not good for you, I promise you will not be any good for anyone else.
Here are some fantastic ways to get out of the fear and negativity:
- In through the nose, out through the mouth.
- Is this really worth being afraid of?
- Give up your control. Can you control or change it? No. You can control you.
- Whenever you feel fear, switch it over to what you are grateful for.
- Learning to deal with fear is all about putting those fearful negative thoughts in a compartment. We tend to focus too much on the negative, so by looking at all the options, you often realize that you’re making a big deal of nothing.
- When I really have a need to know something I am on the hunt to read as much about the subject as I can. Reading a good book on your specific fear can open new doors on how you can get rid of it. I would encourage you to read inspirational and motivational books as well.
- Journaling. Getting your fears down on paper is important because trying to think them through doesn’t work. You get caught in endless loops of negativity that only lead you further down the rabbit hole, and make you miserable.
- Talk. Talk about your fear or negative feelings with a Therapist, Coach or good friend.
- Meaning.I believe we all go through situations for a reason. That includes the fears we have. It also includes overcoming fear and learning the lessons that come out of it. This may not be the case 100% of the time, but looking back at the challenges and fears in my life, I see that more often than not, they delivered exactly the message I needed at that time. Again, the universe provides and teaches.
- Pray. Prayer is powerful. The Divine, God, whatever you prefer to say is always with us. Your prayers never fall on deaf ears.
- Exercise. You have to love all the benefits that exercise can bestow upon you. It helps to release stress amongst many other benefits. Take a walk.
These are just some suggestions that are sure to help you overcome your fear and any negative factors you may be experiencing.
Remember, one step at a time and be repetitive when doing the exercises above.
Michelle Caporale is a Certified Intuitive, Medium and Life Coach. She offers private sessions, group parties and teaches locally in the Tampa Bay area. You can learn more: https://michellecaporale.com
Have you ever wondered how you could make something happen? The key to Manifesting what you desire is not as difficult as you may think.
Come join us Saturday, September 10th for an evening of a wealth of information.
Cost: $15.00 Per Person
Light refreshments will be available
Please bring a pen & paper to use for notes.
For more information & reservations: 727-804-59578 or firstname.lastname@example.org
Dr. Travis Bradberry is considered an expert in Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and he proposes these “9 Habits of Highly Emotionally Intelligent People”.
1-They’re relentlessly positive– emotionally intelligent people don’t get caught up in things they can’t control. They are capable of identifying negative thought patterns and focus their energy on two things they can control- attention and effort.
2-They have a robust emotional vocabulary– those with high EQ’s know how to identify and verbalize their emotions. Additionally, they understand the difference between degrees of emotions and can use the correct word to communicate them.
3-They’re assertive- these individuals are able to establish a balance between having empathy and compassion while setting limits and boundaries with others. They do not default to passive aggressive or avoidant methods of dealing with conflict.
4-They’re curious about other people- they take a genuine interest in others which is a product of their capacity for empathy.
5-They forgive but they don’t forget- while knowing that holding resentment and grudges is unhealthy, high EQ people know how to let go of these emotions yet learn from these mistakes and are careful not to set themselves up in the future. Fool me once…shame on you. Fool me twice…shame on me.
6-They won’t let anyone limit their joy- they avoid making comparisons between themselves and others. Self worth comes from within and they live according to their opinion of self.
7-They make things fun- high EQ people know how to own their choices and see the positive and enjoyment in this. They know how to make themselves happy and get enjoyment out of life.
8-They are difficult to offend- they are self-confident and open minded. They are able to take criticism in stride and see the value in the opinions of others for self improvement.
9-They squash negative self-talk- the more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. They know negative thoughts are not facts but distortions pieces of reality.
Unlike IQ, EQ is malleable and can be changed. With practice and effort, you can change and raise your EQ to be a healthier and happier person. Commit yourself to a process of change…you’re worth it!
He Wasn’t The One But I Miss Him.
Getting over somebody doesn’t happen overnight, or — even despite popular belief — when you get under someone else.
Time is a great healer. I have found that it has been my only friend throughout the years. It was never about meeting someone else to replace that person. We usually start comparing if we jump back on the bandwagon so soon.
Emotions are countless they will run deep even if this was the person you knew would not work out. After all you did date him. There had to be somethings you did enjoy about the experience.
You’re allowed to miss him.
You had some good times no matter how long it lasted. However, you knew he wasn’t the one. In spite of any of this what we tend to miss or feel sad about is the “possibility”. It came and went.
What you’re not allowed to do is to confusing missing him with wanting him back. That won’t do you any good.
We miss our ex because we start thinking about the good things. You’re remembering what it was like to have someone around, someone you had some good times with. We are human, we make memories.
You miss the person you liked and who liked you too. BUT remember, it wasn’t all fun and games. You broke up for a reason — and you can’t forget about what that reason was.<p>
I am a firm believer in second chances, maybe third ones too. I have gone too far, gave too much. I can assure you that they usually don’t work out. The first few weeks’ things are pretty good so I was sure it was the right decision. But then the initial excitement wears off, and the same old issues are still there. If issues cannot be addressed and then fixed, you’re doomed. You are also not allowing yourself to heal, move on so you can find the right person.
I won’t tell you that people won’t or cannot change but it is very rare without time passing and acknowledging what needs to be changed. It maybe that you even have to do some shifting around. I surely did.
Time is your only tool because it’s only with time that people change.
And let me tell you, it takes a lot longer than a few weeks’ after a break up for real change to happen.
Me Before We
It’s a noble thing to stay in a relationship because leaving would crush your partner. It’s also self- sacrificing. You’re loyal but terribly dissatisfied. The struggle is to balance the vow you made to your partner to stay in the relationship against the emotional despair for the desire to be “free”. If you stay despite your own despair, your resolves keep you in a relationship that has been unhappy for longer than it has been happy. Guilt, chaos, trauma, and judgment from others as well as self-disgust can often help you stay with your partner and avoid the choice to leave. Would you be able to live with yourself after leaving? Leaving or staying is painful.
You have always considered yourself an “honorable” person. Others have complimented how diligent you are, what a great partner, person you are and so on. No matter your decision to stay or go, be as aware and deliberate as you can. Try to work on making it better life for yourself, rather than letting it make you. The “pursuit of happiness” is a path of self-discovery. No one can tell you whether to stay or to go. No one has your perspective. And no one can discover YOU for you. No one walks In your shoes or has the one on one that you and your partner share. Yes, others will judge your choices but the fact is this; “Can you imagine yourself staying with that person for the rest of your days”?
Consider these key factors:
Is your relationship causing you stress?
Do you and your partner have much in common?
Is the relationship salvageable? Can you really talk to each other?
Can you imagine yourself without this person in your life?
Do you and your partner have the same goals?
Is there chemistry?
These are just a few questions to consider.
Relationships are never perfect. There is no such thing. Society has created love stories, movies and novels that have a very strong impact on how we subconsciously view what a romantic relationship should feel like. In the real world relationships take time, trust, patience, honesty and unity. Both parties have to be willing in good times and bad.
If you’re emotionally healthy, grounded and respect yourself prior to ever stepping foot into a relationship, you are entering fully equipped. Your partner should be in the same place. Even with that being said, relationships can fall apart over time for various reasons. There needs to be boundaries, guidelines, goals, trust and desires. What is each person willing to put forth? Are you both generally on the same page?
Staying in a relationship in fear of hurting another or what others may think is self- sacrificing. You’re not doing yourself or your partner any favors. Actually, you are hindering growth for both of you. Both parties deserve to be happy.
“The ability to respect oneself and others is an essential part of healthy emotional development”.
Most people in our society do not understand that respect of self is not only imperative but is used as a guideline or a path to how we create our everyday life. When you are respecting yourself you are drawing boundaries. You are caring enough about you that others will notice and very often give you the same”. Let’s dive a little deeper on this subject of respect, shall we?
I was raised in a very small town in northern New Jersey. I grew up with my Parents, grandparents, great grandmother and my Uncle. That was just our household.
Being respectful of my Family and authority was not even a discussion it just ” was”. It all began from the time I was born. Every once and a while I’d mouth off. I’d always get the speech; ” you better watch your tone young lady, you are not to be disrespectful to anyone, nor will you behave that way”.
I looked up to those around me. My interactions with others helped form my personality as to being a respectful child therefore a respectful adult. I knew my limits, I knew the difference between right and wrong. I understood that being rude or disrespectful was not acceptable behavior. Consequences would come swiftly if I misbehaved. My family was strict but loving.
When children are raised in such environments with love, encouragement, kindness and consequences they customarily tend to grow up being better people. As an adult they are more likely to celebrate and appreciate life as having a sense of self value, self worth, love and self respect. If they have children of there own they will more then likely instill those same core values and beliefs.
Developing the capacity for respect is a lifelong challenge. Our sense of self tends to be fragile. It can be an up and down ride with varying degrees of success. The development of self-respect, or, in essence, self-esteem, is guided by how we see ourselves. Those in our lives act as a mirror in this process. The people who are important to us those we love and look up to give us attention and encouragement, we see a positive figure when we look in the mirror.
The opposite would hold true if we are surrounded by condescending negative influences in our lives. We may look in the mirror feeling negative.
These days It’s virtually impossible to not see or hear what is going on around us. The lack of respect for our family, friends, co-workers, animals and yes, authority figures. Our society is out of touch with what respect really means.
There are several components of respect and how it affects our world and each of us in a positive or negative way. Here are some:
Empathy, consideration, caring and thoughtfulness toward one another could help create a culture where people would feel they belong, one where enjoyment and respect can thrive. Everyone would be more understanding and supportive when we experience problems. Our differences may not be so different. They really aren’t. Generally speaking we all want the same things. You can always use the work force as an impressive example. Most people do not feel valued, appreciated or respected at their jobs. Imagine if each supervisor and employee had to take courses in self- respect and empathy? It would be interesting to see the results.
The key to any successful relationship is trust. Hard to earn, once broken, nearly impossible to regain. However with trust comes respect. People that have trust and respect for another have a far better relationship as well as the simple fact that each party wants to do more and help the other. It flows better, feels good and creates stability.
What You Can Do
Set the tone. Be the change you wish to see in this world. Let others see how you show respect for all people, including the elderly, authority figures such as police officers, and people who are different from you in terms of ethnicity or religion.
Strive to live what you teach. Be patient, consistent, caring, honest, and attentive.
If someone is truly struggling, give them opportunities to be successful. Be encouraging!
Use positive comments and behave in such a way that others want to learn from you, admire you and listen to you. When you lead by example it is then that you become the image of admiration which in turn makes it very easy for others to respect. People have said charity begins at home. So does respect.
Michelle M. Caporale
National and local Cold Cases will be listed here as impressions are received. Please send your questions if regarding a specific Cold Case or contact Ms. Caporale if you or a loved one is in need of assistance.
Michelle is very forward when working with Police Departments and families. She is professional and compassionate. There is no fee if you are consulting over the phone. If she is on location she does require travel and accommodation fees.
Please refer back for Cases that have been unsolved.
“It is with pleasure to endorse Michelle Caporale. Michelle assisted me on several investigations while I was a member of the NYPD Cold Case Squad. With minimal information given, Michelle’s accuracy was incredible. She was so dead on with some of the facts it was scary. To show her gifts and talents she did private readings of my partner and myself that were right on. Now that I am retired I have no problem speaking freely about Michelle’s abilities. I will not discuss specifics on cases but will go on record suggesting that more police departments and District Attorney’s offices should utilize Michelle’s gifts as a Medium. I plan on using Michelle and her remarkable gifts, talents and abilities again in the future.
Mark W. Valencia,
Retired NYPD Detective Cold Case Squad
Current New York State Private Investigator
Intuition is not something some of us have and others do not. We all have intuition. Using it, understanding and trusting it is something worth understanding.
Professionals such as Stock Brokers, Doctors, Nurses, Parents, etc. They have it. We all do. Choices are made everyday on Intuition. You will often here people say: ” I don’t know, just a gut feeling”. That’s right!
Here’s how you can get your’s up and running.
Intellectually most of us know what this means: Follow that voice in your heart, listen to your gut, the answer is within you. You always had the power!
It sounds simple, but for me it was developed over time by allowing myself to evolve and move forward, instead of wallowing in self-doubt. I remember so many instances in my life when I quashed my gut’s opinion and did what I thought I was “suppose” to do, instead of what I knew in my gut was right. I also took it upon myself to enroll in a Metaphysical School and meet like minded people.
Im not saying thats for you but I needed to understand what I then looked at as a curse. It was really a gift.
Meditation. It really helps.
My Professor taught me how to sit silently and allow this to just be.
What I love about meditating is the space we find in between, where one thought has ended and another one hasn’t quite yet begun. We can rest, reflect and rejuvenate in that natural, quiet space. This is where understanding, clarity and compassion are born and nurtured. It’s a safe space to get to know yourself — to sit in the stillness, to tune into what is within. Regular meditation, wherever you do it, keeps our intuition fresh and present.
No more self harm… Yea, I did it too.
We’ve all got our own form of self-harm (over-indulging, isolating, boozing, etc.). But the biggest harm we do to ourselves is by staying stuck, staying ignorant in our beliefs that we aren’t worthy. When step away from self-harm — when we begin to look at ourselves with compassion and forgiveness — we begin to let down the angry guard that wants to punish us and instead, fill up that space with loving, mindfulness.
We can now begin to tap into our gut on a deeper level.
Break your bond to things that you are attached to. THINGS!
I will admit I have a junk drawer and a very disorganized closet. Ugh! I started cleaning things out, donating, recycling. Clutter be gone!
I was also taught to let go of grudges that I held onto.
When we release and let go of very deep seeded attachments we give ourself permission to fully let go. We begin to create the space we need to relax and trust ourselves. We begin to listen to and to rely on our intuition.
Get Back to you!
It’s easy to get into the habit of compulsively searching, seeking, and rushing from one thing to the next, to keep ourselves distracted from uncomfortable feelings. Stop running away from yourself and instead, run toward yourself. Trust that you hold the answers. When we feel at home with ourselves we begin to feel safe in the world and we start to listen and pay attention to our intuition.
Please relax, take nice in and out breathes and journal.
Here’s to you!
Thoughts are very powerful it is the key to creating your reality. Everything you perceive in the physical world has its origin in the invisible, inner world of your thoughts and beliefs. To become the master of your destiny, you must learn to control the nature of your dominant, habitual thoughts.Thoughts become habits, good or bad. Thoughts create reality. I’ve done this and I’ve seen the results good and bad.
There is an Inner Cause: Every effect you see in your outside or physical world has a specific cause which has its origin in your inner or mental world. Remember you will internalize everything. This is the essence of thought power. Put another way, the conditions and circumstances of your life are as a result of your collective thoughts and beliefs. James Allen said it best when he said “circumstances do not make a man, they reveal him”. Every aspect of your life, from the state of your finances to the state of your health and your relationships, is accurately revealing your thoughts and your beliefs.
Inside Job: Most people have it back to front, believing that they feel or think a certain way because of their circumstances, not knowing the truth that it is their thought power that is creating those very circumstances, whether wanted or unwanted. By internalizing and applying this Truth, that your thoughts create your reality, you will grant yourself the power to create the changes you want to see manifest in your life. Reality creation is an inside job. Everything is absorbed. The trick is what do you do with it? Do you flip this around and create good, positive or do you feel you have no control?
I’d truly love to hear from you and what your thoughts are?
I asked a client; “Why are you looking at your past”? She said she did not know how to let it go. Hmmm.. So I used this example of the Rear View Mirror. See below. If you keep looking into the Rear View Mirror, you will not see what is ahead of you. You will also undoubtedly crash your car. What do we dwell in the past? Is it fear? Do we think about the what if’s? I have.
The past is over. The past was two minutes ago when I started this blog. It’s done. I cannot go back and change it. I did look at my spelling and fixed that! You can LEARN from the past. You cannot change it.
The past can really serve as one of the best teachers so you don’t repeat the same mistakes. Yet, if you wallow in yesterday that becomes your today and tomorrow.
How do you break the cycle?
Focus on the Moment
We become engulfed by thinking too much of the future or the past, we are creating negative thoughts.
A simple remedy to abandon a cycle of obsessive over-thinking is to focus on the small stuff: the present moment, here and now.
Boil down your attention and focus on something small but meaningful.
Focus on the long term: Envision the multitude of benefit that will ultimately become of you from this bout of growth that we did not wish upon ourselves, but has chosen you. Remember how time helps heal all wounds. Growth is part of healing. Healing is part of letting go.
No one is a pro or rocket scientist here but these are good examples.
Laugh your ass off about anything that is stupid or not. Who cares. Laughing is a wonderful way to just boost your happy self. It’s contagious.
Take a walk. Nature is really cool. It grounds me and I feel so much better after I have worked on planting. I am actually proud of myself for growing some food this year and helping the butterflies. It’s kinda neat.
The past is over. If you need to make a mends, do so. If not, move on. You may never get answers as to why but I can promise you this, often, it is because it’s a plan that is Divinely created just for you.
The past often serves as a lessons of what you don’t want and will not accept into your future. Pay attention!