The Fear Factor

The Fear Factor.

Uncertainty, negativity, anxiety and fear. What a toxic and condemning combination. Fear can be debilitating to say the least, couple it with negative thoughts and you’ve served yourself a recipe for calamity.

Did you know that 85%of the things we fear never happen? “Five hundred years ago, Michel de Montaigne said: My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened. Now there’s a study that proves it. This study looked into how many of our imagined calamities never materialize. In this study, subjects were asked to write down their worries over an extended period of time and then identify which of their imagined misfortunes did not actually happen”.

 This leaves us with 15% of people that did experience negative encounters. Statistics show that some 79 % of subjects discovered either they could handle the difficulty better than expected, or the difficulty taught them a lesson worth learning. This means that 97 % of what you worry over is not much more than a fearful mind punishing you with exaggerations and misperceptions. “A fearful mind will open the door for a negative soul”. – M. Caporale

Montaigne’s quote has made many people chuckle for centuries. Worrying, being negative and living in fear is no joke. A worried mind is constant on the brain, and chronic fear and stress will generate nothing but those stress hormones. Ever hear the expression; “Stress is a killer”? There is good reason for that. Worrying, being fearful and negative drops all this into your system. It shrinks brain mass, makes you prone to heart disease, depression, aging prematurely and naturally a slew of problems with family and friends. Really? Yes, really!

Life is customized for us to experience EVERYTHING. Although fear and negativity are part of having a human experience, it is not designed to be integrated with our lives every day. There comes a point where you have to stop, think and re- evaluate your situation. Is it you? Is it your job, family or certain people you deal with that cause this fear? Do they serve nothing but negativity for an appetizer? Is your main course fear with a side of anxiety?

I have been a professional intuitive for over sixteen years and now a certified life coach. In my years of reading sessions I have been a witness to many a client living their life in fear, struggling with negative behavior and or people. Delivering information that these situations or individuals will not change is taxing. However, spirit gives options. I myself have also encountered such issues.

I wouldn’t be human if I said otherwise. I have seen people spin themselves out of control over situations that couldn’t ever be controlled. In fact, the only control we ever have is control over ourselves, how to handle something or someone. It’s nice to think we can control another person’s actions or a situation, even an outcome. We can’t. We can only control our own actions, handle our own situations and be positive for the best possible outcome. We all struggle. We all have big and small issues to cope with. Our lives are never perfect. We are always challenged to evolve, love and learn.

Life is precious and goes by very quickly. Why waste so much time on being afraid and living with negative thoughts? When you step back, look back on years past you will only then see that you have festered over nothing or you handled what was thrown at you. I realize it is so much easier said than done but it can be something you can change. After all aren’t we all a work in progress? I certainly am.

How do we switch our thoughts?

Thoughts are powerful. What we think, we are or will become. I am a true believer in this.

Practice makes perfect so you must practice every day without reserve. No excuses, no changing things! Think of this new way of thinking just as you would study for an exam.

We change our thoughts one moment at a time. When thinking a negative thought or fearful thought, switch it out immediately. I.e.; “I’m afraid I won’t do a good job, I don’t feel very confident with my performance these last few weeks”. I.e.; “What a challenge I have with my job, I am so grateful because I can handle the work. Besides, I am worthy of all the fantastic opportunities that are coming my way”. Simple example.

Let’s face it, negative people are everywhere. A client just recently had me laughing when he said; “The negativity in that place is like gum that I just stepped in that I can’t get off my shoe. You know, the kind you find under the desk at school? So I put on a new pair of shoes to get it off and BAM, I step in the gum again”.

Our family, friends, work place, any one or place can create negativity. You need to gage when to listen so you can be of help or when to step back. If it is affecting you, draining you and causing stress it is time to step away. I understand there are complicated situations that we encounter. Family can be difficult and friendships often pull on our heart strings. If you are not good for you, I promise you will not be any good for anyone else.

Here are some fantastic ways to get out of the fear and negativity:

 

  1. In through the nose, out through the mouth.
  2. Is this really worth being afraid of?
  3. Give up your control. Can you control or change it? No. You can control you.
  4. Whenever you feel fear, switch it over to what you are grateful for.
  5. Learning to deal with fear is all about putting those fearful negative thoughts in a compartment. We tend to focus too much on the negative, so by looking at all the options, you often realize that you’re making a big deal of nothing.
  6. When I really have a need to know something I am on the hunt to read as much about the subject as I can. Reading a good book on your specific fear can open new doors on how you can get rid of it. I would encourage you to read inspirational and motivational books as well.

 

  1. Journaling. Getting your fears down on paper is important because trying to think them     through doesn’t work. You get caught in endless loops of negativity that only lead you further down the rabbit hole, and make you miserable.

 

  1. Talk. Talk about your fear or negative feelings with a Therapist, Coach or good friend.
  2. Meaning.I believe we all go through situations for a reason. That includes the fears we have. It also includes overcoming fear and learning the lessons that come out of it. This may not be the case 100% of the time, but looking back at the challenges and fears in my life, I see that more often than not, they delivered exactly the message I needed at that time. Again, the universe provides and teaches.
  3. Pray. Prayer is powerful. The Divine, God, whatever you prefer to say is always with us. Your prayers never fall on deaf ears.
  4. Exercise. You have to love all the benefits that exercise can bestow upon you. It helps to release stress amongst many other benefits. Take a walk.

 

These are just some suggestions that are sure to help you overcome your fear and any negative factors you may be experiencing.

Remember, one step at a time and be repetitive when doing the exercises above.

Much Love,

Michelle 

Michelle Caporale is a Certified Intuitive, Medium and Life Coach. She offers private sessions, group parties and teaches locally in the Tampa Bay area. You can learn more: https://michellecaporale.com

Habits of Highly Emotional Intelligent People

Dr. Travis Bradberry is considered an expert in Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and he proposes these “9 Habits of Highly Emotionally Intelligent People”. 

 

1-They’re relentlessly positive– emotionally intelligent people don’t get caught up in things they can’t control. They are capable of identifying negative thought patterns and focus their energy on two things they can control- attention and effort.

2-They have a robust emotional vocabulary– those with high EQ’s know how to identify and verbalize their emotions. Additionally, they understand the difference between degrees of emotions and can use the correct word to communicate them.

3-They’re assertive- these individuals are able to establish a balance between having empathy and compassion while setting limits and boundaries with others.  They do not default to passive aggressive or avoidant methods of dealing with conflict.

4-They’re curious about other people- they take a genuine interest in others which is a product of their capacity for empathy.

5-They forgive but they don’t forget- while knowing that holding resentment and grudges is unhealthy, high EQ people know how to let go of these emotions yet learn from these mistakes and are careful not to set themselves up in the future. Fool me once…shame on you. Fool me twice…shame on me. 

6-They won’t let anyone limit their joy- they avoid making comparisons between themselves and others. Self worth comes from within and they live according to their opinion of self.

7-They make things fun- high EQ people know how to own their choices and see the positive and enjoyment in this. They know how to make themselves happy and get enjoyment out of life.

8-They are difficult to offend- they are self-confident and open minded. They are able to take criticism in stride and see the value in the opinions of others for self improvement.

9-They squash negative self-talk- the more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. They know negative thoughts are not facts but distortions pieces of reality. 

Unlike IQ, EQ is malleable and can be changed. With practice and effort, you can change and raise your EQ to be a healthier and  happier person. Commit yourself to a process of change…you’re worth it!

Living with Integrity

Hold your head up high no matter how low you feel. Hold on tightly to all that is good and truthful.
Believe with your heart that you can take one more step forward. (You really can)
Know that you were created to be “Brilliant”. There is no doubt that you are just that.
Leave the past behind. It can no longer be lived.
Look to the future with hope, there is always a gift someone will give.
Live in the present, it is just that; a present.
Live with integrity.
Walk your own path, do not listen to the sounds that speak negativity.
Know when you are still your Creator is standing with you.
Speak words of kindness no matter how unkind someone is to you.
It’s none of your business what someone else thinks of you.
It is however your business what you think of yourself. Love yourself.
You are so worthy.
Laugh! Laugh till your stomach hurts.
Live with integrity. It is a simple trick that keeps your sleep sound.
Know that there will always be better – God may close a door but He always opens a window.
(My best friend says God doesn’t like ugly) She is correct.
Be still and listen with your heart, it knows which direction to take you in.
(Remember to listen closely)
Take the high road. No one is worth your soul.
No one is worth your love if they cannot respect you.
Be who you are. Remember you are brilliant.
Respect yourself or no one else will. This teaches people how to treat you, so treat yourself well.
Forgive yourself, forgive others.
Live with integrity.
Truly, in the end it is always between you and your Creator, so as it is with all mankind.
May you be blessed.
Always,
Michelle
(Copyright Michelle Caporale 2009)