Dating in this day and age can be very taxing, often traumatic. It’s not supposed to be that way. The experience is supposed to be fun and a process that allows both parties to feel a connection and the idea of whether there is a vested interest to pursue more; a relationship.
Here are 10 of the biggest mistakes we make when we date.
1. We expect instant connections. You have to really take time to get to know someone. A date is just a date. Let it ride.
2. We assume each person might be the one. – Let it ride, assume nothing. Therefore, you may find yourself having a better time when you’re not seeing him or her as the father or mother of your children.
3. We’ve been on a date they should at least call to say hello. No. There is no obligation on a date. Obligations come when there is a connection. Obligations come when there is an agreement that you are both obligated and in a monogamous relationship. This is a date,
4. We slept together. That should mean something. – As much as I hate to say this, it should but often doesn’t. Sex in the dating world is just sex. If you haven’t notarized your intimacy with a clerk of the court stating stipulations, all bets are off.
5. I met his family. – It’s always nice to be invited to a social event. Think about how many times you’ve watched a hallmark movie and the single guy brought 7 different dates to 7 different weddings? You know the ending. He finds that one girl that he falls for and then she gets to go to their wedding.
6. We’ve been out on 4 dates. – Four dates? Four times? That sounds like you are planning your bridal shower. Don’t! It took my husband four years of being in a monogamous relationship with me before he proposed. (He was saving for a ring) Don’t ask. Four dates means just that four dates. He/She or she is getting to know you.
7. We have so much in common- Many people do. That doesnt mean its official.
8. I met his/her friends. – That’s a good thing and will almost certainly mean they feel you are safe to introduce you to the people that are important to them. Connections are not only made through the two of you but also via friends and family.
9. We went away for the weekend. – And, that was fun. But its a weekend not a honeymoon. Enjoy it as that and allow yourself to just be with the person.
10. We talked about kids and family life- That’s good! That still doesn’t tell you that they want it with you.
If you are too busy assuming and rushing to the bridal shop to pick out that stunning dress or handsome tux, you’re not giving it the time and patience it needs to grow.
Dating can be fun, unless your date is picking their teeth with a toothpick after dinner.
You need to not mix signals and words when being out there. The truth is people are unique and take time to get to know. You are unique. When you jump to conclusions, your are jumping into an empty pool of questions.
When things move along and thet agreement is spoken that you BOTH want to be monogamous and go forward, then you’re in it.
I promise you, when someone wants to be in your life they make it known.
I look forward to helping you find your partner!
Join us Saturday October 15th 7-8:30 p.m. (Palm Harbor Office)
Cost: $15.00 Per Person (Seating is limited)
Receive messages from loved ones, friends and family. Learn how to read the signs when your loved ones are connecting.
Validation ~ Communication~
Light Refreshments will be served.
Please Contact Michelle to reserve your seat 727-804-5958 (Leave a Message) or firstname.lastname@example.org
The Fear Factor.
Uncertainty, negativity, anxiety and fear. What a toxic and condemning combination. Fear can be debilitating to say the least, couple it with negative thoughts and you’ve served yourself a recipe for calamity.
Did you know that 85%of the things we fear never happen? “Five hundred years ago, Michel de Montaigne said: My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened. Now there’s a study that proves it. This study looked into how many of our imagined calamities never materialize. In this study, subjects were asked to write down their worries over an extended period of time and then identify which of their imagined misfortunes did not actually happen”.
This leaves us with 15% of people that did experience negative encounters. Statistics show that some 79 % of subjects discovered either they could handle the difficulty better than expected, or the difficulty taught them a lesson worth learning. This means that 97 % of what you worry over is not much more than a fearful mind punishing you with exaggerations and misperceptions. “A fearful mind will open the door for a negative soul”. – M. Caporale
Montaigne’s quote has made many people chuckle for centuries. Worrying, being negative and living in fear is no joke. A worried mind is constant on the brain, and chronic fear and stress will generate nothing but those stress hormones. Ever hear the expression; “Stress is a killer”? There is good reason for that. Worrying, being fearful and negative drops all this into your system. It shrinks brain mass, makes you prone to heart disease, depression, aging prematurely and naturally a slew of problems with family and friends. Really? Yes, really!
Life is customized for us to experience EVERYTHING. Although fear and negativity are part of having a human experience, it is not designed to be integrated with our lives every day. There comes a point where you have to stop, think and re- evaluate your situation. Is it you? Is it your job, family or certain people you deal with that cause this fear? Do they serve nothing but negativity for an appetizer? Is your main course fear with a side of anxiety?
I have been a professional intuitive for over sixteen years and now a certified life coach. In my years of reading sessions I have been a witness to many a client living their life in fear, struggling with negative behavior and or people. Delivering information that these situations or individuals will not change is taxing. However, spirit gives options. I myself have also encountered such issues.
I wouldn’t be human if I said otherwise. I have seen people spin themselves out of control over situations that couldn’t ever be controlled. In fact, the only control we ever have is control over ourselves, how to handle something or someone. It’s nice to think we can control another person’s actions or a situation, even an outcome. We can’t. We can only control our own actions, handle our own situations and be positive for the best possible outcome. We all struggle. We all have big and small issues to cope with. Our lives are never perfect. We are always challenged to evolve, love and learn.
Life is precious and goes by very quickly. Why waste so much time on being afraid and living with negative thoughts? When you step back, look back on years past you will only then see that you have festered over nothing or you handled what was thrown at you. I realize it is so much easier said than done but it can be something you can change. After all aren’t we all a work in progress? I certainly am.
How do we switch our thoughts?
Thoughts are powerful. What we think, we are or will become. I am a true believer in this.
Practice makes perfect so you must practice every day without reserve. No excuses, no changing things! Think of this new way of thinking just as you would study for an exam.
We change our thoughts one moment at a time. When thinking a negative thought or fearful thought, switch it out immediately. I.e.; “I’m afraid I won’t do a good job, I don’t feel very confident with my performance these last few weeks”. I.e.; “What a challenge I have with my job, I am so grateful because I can handle the work. Besides, I am worthy of all the fantastic opportunities that are coming my way”. Simple example.
Let’s face it, negative people are everywhere. A client just recently had me laughing when he said; “The negativity in that place is like gum that I just stepped in that I can’t get off my shoe. You know, the kind you find under the desk at school? So I put on a new pair of shoes to get it off and BAM, I step in the gum again”.
Our family, friends, work place, any one or place can create negativity. You need to gage when to listen so you can be of help or when to step back. If it is affecting you, draining you and causing stress it is time to step away. I understand there are complicated situations that we encounter. Family can be difficult and friendships often pull on our heart strings. If you are not good for you, I promise you will not be any good for anyone else.
Here are some fantastic ways to get out of the fear and negativity:
- In through the nose, out through the mouth.
- Is this really worth being afraid of?
- Give up your control. Can you control or change it? No. You can control you.
- Whenever you feel fear, switch it over to what you are grateful for.
- Learning to deal with fear is all about putting those fearful negative thoughts in a compartment. We tend to focus too much on the negative, so by looking at all the options, you often realize that you’re making a big deal of nothing.
- When I really have a need to know something I am on the hunt to read as much about the subject as I can. Reading a good book on your specific fear can open new doors on how you can get rid of it. I would encourage you to read inspirational and motivational books as well.
- Journaling. Getting your fears down on paper is important because trying to think them through doesn’t work. You get caught in endless loops of negativity that only lead you further down the rabbit hole, and make you miserable.
- Talk. Talk about your fear or negative feelings with a Therapist, Coach or good friend.
- Meaning.I believe we all go through situations for a reason. That includes the fears we have. It also includes overcoming fear and learning the lessons that come out of it. This may not be the case 100% of the time, but looking back at the challenges and fears in my life, I see that more often than not, they delivered exactly the message I needed at that time. Again, the universe provides and teaches.
- Pray. Prayer is powerful. The Divine, God, whatever you prefer to say is always with us. Your prayers never fall on deaf ears.
- Exercise. You have to love all the benefits that exercise can bestow upon you. It helps to release stress amongst many other benefits. Take a walk.
These are just some suggestions that are sure to help you overcome your fear and any negative factors you may be experiencing.
Remember, one step at a time and be repetitive when doing the exercises above.
Michelle Caporale is a Certified Intuitive, Medium and Life Coach. She offers private sessions, group parties and teaches locally in the Tampa Bay area. You can learn more: https://michellecaporale.com
Dr. Travis Bradberry is considered an expert in Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and he proposes these “9 Habits of Highly Emotionally Intelligent People”.
1-They’re relentlessly positive– emotionally intelligent people don’t get caught up in things they can’t control. They are capable of identifying negative thought patterns and focus their energy on two things they can control- attention and effort.
2-They have a robust emotional vocabulary– those with high EQ’s know how to identify and verbalize their emotions. Additionally, they understand the difference between degrees of emotions and can use the correct word to communicate them.
3-They’re assertive- these individuals are able to establish a balance between having empathy and compassion while setting limits and boundaries with others. They do not default to passive aggressive or avoidant methods of dealing with conflict.
4-They’re curious about other people- they take a genuine interest in others which is a product of their capacity for empathy.
5-They forgive but they don’t forget- while knowing that holding resentment and grudges is unhealthy, high EQ people know how to let go of these emotions yet learn from these mistakes and are careful not to set themselves up in the future. Fool me once…shame on you. Fool me twice…shame on me.
6-They won’t let anyone limit their joy- they avoid making comparisons between themselves and others. Self worth comes from within and they live according to their opinion of self.
7-They make things fun- high EQ people know how to own their choices and see the positive and enjoyment in this. They know how to make themselves happy and get enjoyment out of life.
8-They are difficult to offend- they are self-confident and open minded. They are able to take criticism in stride and see the value in the opinions of others for self improvement.
9-They squash negative self-talk- the more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. They know negative thoughts are not facts but distortions pieces of reality.
Unlike IQ, EQ is malleable and can be changed. With practice and effort, you can change and raise your EQ to be a healthier and happier person. Commit yourself to a process of change…you’re worth it!
“The ability to respect oneself and others is an essential part of healthy emotional development”.
Most people in our society do not understand that respect of self is not only imperative but is used as a guideline or a path to how we create our everyday life. When you are respecting yourself you are drawing boundaries. You are caring enough about you that others will notice and very often give you the same”. Let’s dive a little deeper on this subject of respect, shall we?
I was raised in a very small town in northern New Jersey. I grew up with my Parents, grandparents, great grandmother and my Uncle. That was just our household.
Being respectful of my Family and authority was not even a discussion it just ” was”. It all began from the time I was born. Every once and a while I’d mouth off. I’d always get the speech; ” you better watch your tone young lady, you are not to be disrespectful to anyone, nor will you behave that way”.
I looked up to those around me. My interactions with others helped form my personality as to being a respectful child therefore a respectful adult. I knew my limits, I knew the difference between right and wrong. I understood that being rude or disrespectful was not acceptable behavior. Consequences would come swiftly if I misbehaved. My family was strict but loving.
When children are raised in such environments with love, encouragement, kindness and consequences they customarily tend to grow up being better people. As an adult they are more likely to celebrate and appreciate life as having a sense of self value, self worth, love and self respect. If they have children of there own they will more then likely instill those same core values and beliefs.
Developing the capacity for respect is a lifelong challenge. Our sense of self tends to be fragile. It can be an up and down ride with varying degrees of success. The development of self-respect, or, in essence, self-esteem, is guided by how we see ourselves. Those in our lives act as a mirror in this process. The people who are important to us those we love and look up to give us attention and encouragement, we see a positive figure when we look in the mirror.
The opposite would hold true if we are surrounded by condescending negative influences in our lives. We may look in the mirror feeling negative.
These days It’s virtually impossible to not see or hear what is going on around us. The lack of respect for our family, friends, co-workers, animals and yes, authority figures. Our society is out of touch with what respect really means.
There are several components of respect and how it affects our world and each of us in a positive or negative way. Here are some:
Empathy, consideration, caring and thoughtfulness toward one another could help create a culture where people would feel they belong, one where enjoyment and respect can thrive. Everyone would be more understanding and supportive when we experience problems. Our differences may not be so different. They really aren’t. Generally speaking we all want the same things. You can always use the work force as an impressive example. Most people do not feel valued, appreciated or respected at their jobs. Imagine if each supervisor and employee had to take courses in self- respect and empathy? It would be interesting to see the results.
The key to any successful relationship is trust. Hard to earn, once broken, nearly impossible to regain. However with trust comes respect. People that have trust and respect for another have a far better relationship as well as the simple fact that each party wants to do more and help the other. It flows better, feels good and creates stability.
What You Can Do
Set the tone. Be the change you wish to see in this world. Let others see how you show respect for all people, including the elderly, authority figures such as police officers, and people who are different from you in terms of ethnicity or religion.
Strive to live what you teach. Be patient, consistent, caring, honest, and attentive.
If someone is truly struggling, give them opportunities to be successful. Be encouraging!
Use positive comments and behave in such a way that others want to learn from you, admire you and listen to you. When you lead by example it is then that you become the image of admiration which in turn makes it very easy for others to respect. People have said charity begins at home. So does respect.
Michelle M. Caporale